Through the bathroom door....

I heard them come into the bedroom and stealthily approach the bathroom door. No, I don't have super-hearing, it's two 5 year olds and an 8 year old-how quiet can they be? From the other side of the door I hear:
"Do you think she's taking a big dump?"
"NO! Mommy never takes a dump, just Daddy."
"Yeah, (snicker) Daddy takes BIG dumps all day."
Trio of delighted giggles.
"Maybe the monster took her."
"No, monsters can't get in the house."
"Yeah, they live in the trees and only come out at night."
"See, it's daytime."
"Mommy's strong, she will kick monster's ass."
"OH, I'm telling! You said a BAD word."
"That's what Mommy says so it's okay."
"I'm still tellin'."
"Maybe she's hiding!"
"Mommy's don't hide, they love their kids and like to be with them."
So feeling more than a little guilty I emerged from my sanctuary, gave them all a hug and went back to the Mommy dance.