Friday, January 9, 2009

Parental Pondering

Tomorrow is Mikey's sixth birthday. I tend to be a little overly sentimental so whenever one of my adopted kids has a birthday I spend a little time worrying about thier biological mothers. I wish they'd chosen to remain in contact in some way but I understand that there's a lot of guilt that comes with having a judge say you're unfit to parent.
I remember how horrified I was when I heard that Mikey's mother had said she was giving him up because she couldn't bear to look at him. Of course I was thinking of the physical presentation of his disorder. Having walked in her shoes (sort of) for the last five plus years I realize now that she was completely overwhelmed by the constant illness, the infinite number of surgeries, the hours that turn to days in the hospital, and never-ending doctor visits. As a single mother with other children she must have been so torn with guilt and terror as the mountain of responsibilities crushed her and pulled her in so many different directions. I'm sure that everytime she looked at his sweet face she was only reminded of the many things she hadn't done, the thousands of things she still had to do and how impossible it was for her to do them.
So when we blow out the candles tomorrow I'll be thinking of her and hoping that she knows he's healthy and happy now.

1 comment:

  1. You're very empathetic and that's neat that you understand her some. Happy birthday from me!

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